Sunday, September 24, 2017

a love that breaks my fall

Source: pexels.com
"Too much to make sense of it all,
I know that Your love breaks my fall.
The scandal of grace, You died in my place
so my soul will live."

As much as I love writing, people might be surprised to know that my faith is one of the most challenging things to write about. 

How do you put into words the feeling of being loved by a King, who owns the stars, but wants your heart? How do you put into words the abundance of blessings and mercy He places upon your life, even when you're not looking? How do you put into words receiving a Fatherly love so magnificent, that you don't even deserve it?

After coming home from a three-day retreat, my body tired but my heart full, I've now learned to accept that love differently. 

---

When you're young, it's easy to think you have your whole life figured out. To play the world like a game of chess; know where you stand, make the right move, and you'll eventually get to where you want to go. But the thing about chess is, you always play it alone.

I used to think that it's about being good enough; smart enough, strong, or capable enough. I used to think that I need to just play my best game, and God will watch me from the sidelines and tell me if I'm wrong. I could read all about the great God I serve, yet still rely on my own abilities to decide "where to go from here". I kept turning to pursue a purpose I've crafted for myself, on my own. 

By observation and experience, however, I've found that life is rather fluid. You might think you have a tight grip around it, but as you press your hands, something is always bound to slip through your fingers. I can try everything and push forward, thinking that I need only to rely on myself, but I'd repeatedly lose my way. 

See, you can be the greatest person alive. Have everything you've ever wanted, thousands of people at your feet, and all the knowledge you can gain. But when the world hits you at "checkmate" and brings you down to your knees, there's only going to be One voice calling you home. 

By grace, where we come to the end of ourselves, where our "strength" is no longer strong, and in the midst of all our flaws, His love and goodness prevail.

---

It took me about three days of many moments of worship, meeting new people, and several different sermons, to hear how He's been calling my name. A camp I was actually even doubtful of joining, turned out to be an experience that transformed and renewed me from the inside out. 

I was exposed to the invitation to receive a love that I never had to work for. The invitation to pursue a life of a godly purpose. The invitation to finally let Him step through the gates of my heart that I've kept locked for far too long, and make it His. All this broke me free from the weight of my past, my fears, and my sin. Now my heart wakes up with a newfound peace, knowing each day that my life is not my own, but Christ's, and that He's in control.

A great God we serve, indeed, but we mustn't forget that He's a good God as well. 

If I live my life for Him, it wouldn't be because I was trying to repay anything. (What form of payment can us humans possibly come up with to "repay" a love that strong? A love that came down and became flesh, proved it through sacrifice and then conquered death itself?) Rather, it is so that my life becomes a living proof of that love. 

I'm slowly letting go of that tight grip, and it takes me bits of time and practice. I know that someday, the world will attack the faith I proclaim. It will slip failure under my door, and it will question the cross I wear around my neck.

But as many, many chapters await in my journey, I now continue to learn to let go of my fear of tomorrows. Instead, I do my part, and hold onto the love that He's promised for me.

A love that gives you strength, 

and a love that makes you whole.

---

I've been rambling a lot these days (which probably shows), so apologies in advance if this wasn't what you expected. I actually wrote this piece simply because of this overflow of emotions after coming back from camp yesterday. Also because I missed writing very much. Thank you for reading this far, and I hope this helps remind you of that love as well.

See you around.








2 comments :

  1. You write brilliantly!
    I particularly liked the part about chess and your comparison with life, as well as your words about gripping life but having this still slip through!

    Great post!

    Steph
    Social Spying

    ReplyDelete